Thursday, March 1, 2018


* A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2017*

Recently Overheard Things:

"Tomorrow I'm going to dig a BIG hole and fill it with water.  Then I'm going to sit in it."

"Mama, how does the ocean work?  Is there like a big faucet that you turn on to get the water in there?"

"Mama, when I grow up, you can come to my shop and I'll fix your ironing machine board.  For everyone else, it will be $100, but for you it will be [lowers voice to a whisper, conspiratorially] $3!  And then if you come in again and it's not a big deal--like, it's just your computer or laptop, it'll be free.  But if it's your car--I also take cars--it will be 99 cents.  For other people, it will be $188.  It'll be the Matteo Fixer-Ba-Bill Shop!  Then I'll close it down at 6:39."

"I want a secret bed."

"Can I have some of the whooped cream on top of my cake?"

"Mama, can we buy some rockets?  I want to make a rocket-powered hot wheel."

"This is NOT a nice day to go to the beach!" (On a rainy day, in Colorado.)

Me: "Matteo, how many kids are in your class?"
You: "Like a hundred million.  Maybe."

You: (About someone at school) "She used to have cats in her house and they pooped all over the rug."
Me: "What?!  How do you know?  Did she tell you that?"
You: "No, she didn't.  I can read minds."

"Mama, I know a secret way to make your hair sparkly and clean.  You have to mix a little shampoo and a little conditioner together in your palm and then rub them in your hair.  Then you won't have to wash you hair for ten weeks!  Not ten weeks.  Just kidding.  Three weeks."

"Mama, we're going on a little vacation.  Just a little one.  First you go to Geronimo Street, then 6th, then 8th.  There's a little pond there, but it's kiiiiiiiiiiiind of dirty, so you can't swim in it.  You can have a picnic, though!  It's just a little vacation.  It's six miles away."

You: "Mama, I want to make a rocket bike!  You put two rockets on your bike, light it on fire--well, Daddy does that--then run on the deck and watch what happens!"
Me: "That sounds extremely dangerous."
You: "Awww, c'mon, MOM!"

"Did you know diamonds are made out of carrots?  The more carrots are on the ring, the more you have to spend."

Recently Overheard Things:

"Where's mine shoes?  Mine pink ones!  I can't find it!  Got feet.  Find mine shoes!"
Me: "Lilah, do you want to get dressed now?"
You: "No, I'm hopping."

"I'm magic, Mama!  Matteo's magic, too.  We do magic."

"Papa, I got a boo boo!  Kiss me it!"

"I'm a horse, Mama.  I'm a cool horse."

"I'm a cutie PIE!"

Me: "Time to go, Lilah."
You: "Babies wanna come, Mama.  Bring mine corn (unicorn).  Bring mine piggy.  Where's mine turta (turtle)?  Bring mine dolly.  Bring mine doggie.  Where's mine udder (other) baby?  Here.  You hold these, Mom."

(While stomping around the house.)  "Stonce!  Stonce!  Stonce! (Stomp!  Stomp!  Stomp!)"

"Wanna go pool, Mom.  Wanna splash mine feet."

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